K.J. Bannan Photo by Suz Redfearn

IT MAY SOUND COUNTERINTUITIVE, but one of the most important things I did to care for my mother when she received treatment for stage IV lung cancer had nothing to do with her. My saving grace during that stressful time was regular walks through a nearby nature preserve with my 45-pound black lab mix.

Many caregivers, including me at times, have trouble seeing care for their own stress as part of caring for a loved one with cancer. Too often, caregivers ignore or hide their stress instead of seeking ways to proactively manage it, says Shawna L. Ehlers, a clinical health psychologist and researcher at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota.

“Caregiving is an extraordinarily difficult job—a job on top of ordinary life. But with the right support and small habits, you can carry it without carrying unnecessary suffering,” she says.

While stress is generally unavoidable, the following strategies may help to mitigate its power over you:

Focus on your favorite things. Seek out activities that feed your body and soul, Ehlers says. For example, you may ask yourself, “Am I in a good mood after I have some alone time and recharge? Do I feel good after I spend time talking on the phone?” You could also keep a list of your favorite pastimes and then schedule time each week to work through some items on the list, she says.

Find a way to get out of your head. Activities that require sustained attention, such as crocheting, playing pickleball, coloring and meditating, can occupy your mind and give you a needed break. At the same time, these focused-attention tasks can calm your nervous system, Ehlers says.

Get moving. Exercise lowers stress hormones and releases feel-good endorphins, which can improve your mood. Just a short walk to the mailbox each day can be enough movement to clear your mind, Ehlers says. Activities, such as yoga and walks with friends at local parks, can also help you incorporate physical activity into your routine. “Many people will say they don’t have time, but if you can combine exercise with things you also want to do like spending time with kids, it gets easier,” she adds.

Practice good sleep hygiene. If you’re stressed, it might be difficult to fall and stay asleep, but sleep helps repair the body, improve mood and reduce anxiety. Ideally you should try to go to bed and get up at the same time every day, Ehlers says.

It’s not easy to take a step back to acknowledge the increased pressure of caregiving, but these activities can help provide a gentle reprieve. To this day, I still say that the miles I racked up alongside my dog during the 20 months of my mom’s cancer treatment kept me sane and helped me be a better caregiver.

K.J. Bannan is a journalist based on Long Island. She has been a caretaker for multiple family members who had cancer, including her mother, Pauline Bannan, who died from lung cancer in 2019.